


Healing

by waywardriot



Series: Vanven Week 2018 [3]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, VanVen Week 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 16:57:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17125202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardriot/pseuds/waywardriot
Summary: Ventus is Vanitas's better half because he makes up the difference.Vanven Week Day 3: Better Half





	Healing

**Author's Note:**

> another vanitas pov! this piece is kinda weirdly structured, but i'm projecting onto both vanitas and ventus, so this is just a kinda therapeutic thing for me.
> 
> this is a hot mess and i don't like it much, but i'm tired of looking at it, so take it.

Something Vanitas is continuously teased about is that Ventus is his better half.

Vanitas knows everyone is right—it’s never even been a question in his mind that Ventus is the kind one. He’s the one who feeds stray cats, the one who drops everything to pick up a friend at 3AM, the one who gives the last bill in his wallet to a homeless person. He’s the epitome of what a good person should be, and Vanitas loves him for all the kindness in his heart—some people would think that he would see it as a weakness, but he’s really just jealous of that selflessness and the way Ventus creates the good he wants to see in the world.

Vanitas is fully aware how much of a wreck he is; he’s been told so his entire life. He’s the one who pushes people away, the one who somehow always pulls anger out of others, the one who hates everyone except Ventus most of the time. He’s always had difficulty trusting and doing things for people, and he knows it makes him hard to love.

It isn’t really something he’d ever had to come to terms with, per se. That’s just how he is. It’s something inherited from his upbringing and his family—his house was not kind. There wasn’t another way to exist in the world for him if he wanted to survive. It was drilled into his head that the world was a cruel place, and it seemed to prove it at every turn for him—until Ventus came into his life and started to show him that the world is not as horrible as it seems.

Ventus is his better half because he helps him heal. He’s the only one who has ever been willing to put up with his outbursts. All of Vanitas’s other relationships had shattered because he was ‘too traumatized’, ‘too angry’, ‘too much to handle’—but Ventus never says anything like that to him because he understands better than anyone else; somehow, he’s always been able to comprehend Vanitas on such an intimate level that it scares him sometimes.

Ventus doesn’t yell at him when he gets angry at the world; he talks him down with soft, reasonable words. He doesn’t storm out of the apartment when Vanitas throws a fit, telling him that he can’t deal with it. He doesn’t say harsh words to him when he’s being difficult. He understands that Vanitas’s issues are coming out of pain, not out of malice—he seems to be the only one that recognizes that Vanitas isn’t doing it on purpose. Vanitas doesn’t _want_ to hurt people, no matter what others may think.

Ventus bandages his wounds, gently lecturing him but not blaming him. He holds him as he sobs and weeps, not getting impatient when it takes hours for him to cry himself out and covers him in snot and tears. He lets him scream into his chest for as long as he needs, even when it cuts deep into the night when he has to be up early the next day.

It’s blatantly obvious to everyone that Vanitas has issues because he’s the ‘bad’ victim; he’s the harsh, the angry, the one who buys into the horrible things he was told. He’s the bully in the schoolyard, the one who brings pain to others. Even so, he’s the one that Ventus is willing to fight people for, keeping him safe in any way he can. Vanitas had been left to drown in his issues by everyone else, but Ventus offered him a hand, dragging him out of the tumultuous waves.

Sure, things aren’t _always_ perfect, but Ventus is doing the best he could, better than anyone else ever cared to do. At times, tempers rise and harsh words are be exchanged. Ventus can scream and throw fits, shocking Vanitas with the force of his anger, and Vanitas can return it if pushed too far; still, they find each other’s arms at the end of the day. Neither of them can stay angry with kisses pressed into their hair and hands on their skin, apologies being whispered late into the night.

No one really knows that Ventus is traumatized too—he learned to keep it inside, only vocalizing it in the dead of night to Vanitas where no one else can hear him or see the tears on his face. Ventus is the ‘good’ victim; he’s the sad, the scared, the one who cowers at night. He’s the one who hides his real issues, making sure they never inconvenience everyone. He’s the one who Vanitas weeps over in anger at the world—anger that such a person could have been hurt so badly. 

Vanitas makes sure that their comfort is always reciprocal, at least—he’s willing to do as much for Ventus as he can. He always lets Ventus into his arms, letting him weep and shake for as long as he needs. He doesn’t drag Ventus out when he hides under the table, staring at him with eyes as round as dinner plates. He holds him in the night, wiping up his tears and carrying him to the shower; still, Vanitas never feels that he’s doing enough. Vanitas knows that Ventus is better at the comforting thing—the kind words seem to come naturally to him, striking Vanitas where he needs them most. In comparison, Vanitas feels like he’s simply floundering, and it was just coincidence when Ventus gets better. Vanitas needs him to keep him grounded, but Ventus is strong, so he doesn’t need him, right?

Vanitas needs him more than he’d ever be willing to say, though, and he’s eternally grateful that Ventus is helping him get better even through his own pain; he feels more like a whole person the more time he spends with him. Ventus teaches him that the world is not innately cruel. Things can be good, and there are good people out there. Ventus forces him out of the house to make him interact with people and make friends. Sure, Vanitas grumbles about it and always ends up making people angry, but he finds out that they aren’t all that bad. The world isn’t all darkness and hate; Ventus tells him that where there are shadows, there has to be light. He’s the light to the darkness that consumes him.

Ventus is Vanitas’s better half because he makes up the difference.

* * *

Vanitas spends a lot of time agonizing over these things—over not feeling good enough, over feeling like too much of a burden. It’s hard for him to talk about these things because owning up to your faults can hurt, and he still holds the fear that Ventus will wake up and see him as the monster he is one day. If Ventus leaves, Vanitas would be done for, and he knows it.

One night when Vanitas and Ventus are lying in bed, Vanitas coaxing Ventus out of tears, Ventus speaks something that scares Vanitas, stabbing him deep in the heart. “You know, you’re my better half.”

“Shut up,” Vanitas scoffs in an effort to cover up the anxiety in his voice. “Everyone knows _you’re_ the better half here.”

“You shut up, you’re so full of self-loathing that you can’t see how you help me.”

“You help me more, though,” he insists. “I wouldn’t be a person without you.”

Ventus slaps his hand against his forehead. “And you think you don’t help me too, idiot? You help me be just as much of a person.”

Vanitas rolls on his back and heaves out a sigh, staring at the ceiling. “I’m mean and callous, and all I do is hurt people. You teach me to be kinder and accept more. You’ve helped me… actually make friends. I couldn’t have done it without you, but you were already a person, even without me.”

Ventus sighs, slightly frustrated. “I barely was before you. I just let people walk all over me, even when it hurt me badly. I was a walking shell.”

“You’re strong on your own, and if you don’t see that, you’re stupid,” he laughs. “I’m weak.”

“You’re stronger than anyone else I know,” Ventus smiles so sweetly it makes Vanitas’s stomach flip. “You’re learning on your own, and I see you changing every single day.”

“Whatever,” Vanitas scoffs. “Still, you do more for me than I deserve.”

“Vani, you deserve as much help as you give to me. You help me to not be so much of a doormat and stand up for myself. You help me to fear less and take more chances. Where you see anger and callousness, I see confidence and bravery…” Ventus murmurs, taking one of Vanitas’s hands and pressing a kiss to it.

“You’re dumb and foolish,” Vanitas groans. “Come here.”

“Foolishly in love, maybe,” Ventus replies, grinning when he sees Vanitas’s blush before worming his way into his arms.

After a few quiet minutes, Ventus speaks up again—it’s clear he’s not going to let Vanitas get away with brushing the conversation off like that. “You don’t just hurt people.”

Vanitas’s voice cracks just like his chest, caving open to show his heart. “I’m a monster, and everyone knows it.”

It’s Ventus’s turn to pull Vanitas into his arms and comfort him, stroking his hair while he grips on tightly—Ventus is his rock, keeping him from being blown away by the storm that rages in his head. “Hey, you know I hate when you use that word. Sure, you’re messed up, but so am I. So is everyone in this world. But that doesn’t make you a bad person,” he sighs. The words could seem harsh to some, but Vanitas knows they’re always meant with all good intentions—sometimes it takes a little slap to get Vanitas to open his eyes.

“Maybe I’m not a monster, but you’re still the best thing to ever happen to me,” Vanitas sighs in return, rolling his eyes.

“And you’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” Ventus teases. After a few more minutes of cuddling, he adds sweetly, “Asshole.”

Vanitas cackles and flicks his forehead. “Shut up, brat.”

“You really have to stop telling me to shut up, you know!”

“Guess I’m gonna have to make you shut up, then,” Vanitas teasingly growls, pulling Ventus into a kiss so sweet it makes him curl his toes.

This conversation echoes itself many times, over and over as they both fight to claw past their demons.

* * *

At the end of the day, no one can ever understand Vanitas just like Ventus does. Vanitas has never understood how he’s so in tune to him, how he knows what he wants before he says it; still, he appreciates it, grateful that Ventus can do the things he’s too scared to ask for.

Ventus and Vanitas both know it’ll take years—probably their whole life—to get better, but the important thing is that they’re willing to wait for each other. It takes a lot of patience and a lot of pain to live like that, but they complete each other.

The reality of their love was that they are both each other’s better half; together, they make their best selves.


End file.
